Julia Plevin

SOS

Julia Plevin
SOS

SOS! SOS! It came to me as I was tossing and turning trying to go to sleep last night. My call for help was being answered in the form of a download from spirit guides in another realm but at first I didn’t get it. Why was this idea popping in my head as I was trying to fall asleep? 

And then it just kept coming. Before I knew it, a completely formed project had been delivered. And it was just up to me to decide if I would accept the challenge or write it off as a crazy idea and go back to feeling helpless and hopeless.

I want to die. I want to die. I want to die
— A real text I sent to my mom earlier that day

I have been going through a really hard time. Through the summer of crazy eclipses, I could no longer ignore the fact that my relationship with a partner who I lived with, experienced a spiritual awakening with, and ran a company with had to end. He wasn't going to accept that so it was up to me to stop the train, break things off, and get out. I had known this in my body for a long time, but my mind and his could convince me other ways until the breaking point.

The body doesn't lie. After a full weekend of crying with no end in sight, I got the message and finally listened to my body. 

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You’re going through a deep psychological cleanse
— A vedic astrologer who I paid $306 to read my chart (totally worth every penny!)

No kidding! I felt as if lifetimes of emotions were being released from my body. But I knew if I was going to get out of the relationship and the sweet home we shared, it had to be at this very moment. My mom came and helped me pack my clothes. I left the rest of my treasures — ceramics, art, furniture, books, and a mini trampoline. I wonder if this is how the Jews felt when they left Egypt or any other time past civilizations grabbed what they could and then left the rest to be dug up as archaeological curiosities. 

If you kill yourself I will cry every day for the rest of my life. Do you really care that little about me, Dad, and Becky? If you keep saying these things, we’re going to have to medicate you or hospitalize you.
— my mom's real response to my text message.

She texted that and then my phone died and I went to a Jewish women's circle to celebrate Elul, the month on the Jewish calendar that proceeds the High Holy Days. It was my first time at a Jewish women's circle and my first time celebrating Elul. With all my spiritual explorations, so little has been from my own cultural heritage but I have been feeling the need to dive deeper into Judaism and learn what it has to offer my spiritual path. And so far it's been incredibly potent, like an ancestral memory of coming home.

You have to go through your roots if you want to bear the fruit
— My friend and Ayurvedic healer Katie

During the evening we learned Torah and then were supposed to make art. A woman set up a table of things to create with. I wanted to escape. There's nothing less appealing to me than a table of supplies and an invitation to make something. That's not how I create. My creations are visceral and emotional. Luckily, I started talking to the owner of the gallery and we stepped outside to chat and smoke a joint on the stoop.

Elul is the month to prep for the High Holy Days.  Since these days are filled with so much meaning and potency, they require a special measure of readiness. We are called upon to enter them thoughtfully.  As the Maharal of Prague said, “All the month of Elul, before eating and sleeping, a person should look into his soul and search his deeds, that he may make confession.”

Looking inside my soul was exactly what I was doing as I tossed and turned in bed last night after coming home from the event. 

At first I thought I could just remember the SOS acronym in the morning. But something inside me stirred more and said, "When the Universe sends you a lifeline, you take it. You get out of bed, turn the light on, grab your pen and start writing as fast as you can."